For families

When your parent keeps asking what’s happening today

If you find yourself answering the same question many times a day, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most common experiences for families supporting someone with memory difficulties — and there are small, practical things that can make it easier for everyone.

By Phil Martin, founder of Daily View · 5 minute read

Why the same question keeps coming back

When someone has memory difficulties, new information can fade within minutes. Your parent may genuinely not remember asking — so for them, each time really is the first time.

Often the question is about more than the facts. “What’s happening today?” can really mean “Is there something I need to be ready for?” or “Have I forgotten something important?” Not knowing what comes next can feel unsettling, and asking is a natural way to feel more secure.

Many families notice the questions come more often when:

• there’s an appointment or a visit coming up
• the usual routine has changed
• it’s later in the day and your parent is tired
• they’re on their own for long stretches

Answer the feeling as well as the question

A few approaches many families find helpful:

• Keep the answer short, and the same each time. “The nurse is coming at two o’clock” is easier to hold on to than a rundown of the whole day.
• Stay calm, even the tenth time. Your tone often matters more than your words. Try to avoid “I’ve already told you” — it can leave someone feeling embarrassed without helping them remember.
• Add a little reassurance. “You don’t need to do anything — I’ll let you know when it’s time.”
• Notice patterns. If the questions always start at the same time of day, or around the same kind of event, that can tell you what’s behind the worry.

Give the answer a reliable place to live

One of the most useful things you can do is make today’s plan something your parent can check for themselves, without needing to ask. That might be a whiteboard, a notepad by their chair, or a screen.

Whatever you use, the same few things tend to matter:

• Keep it in one place. The same spot every day, somewhere they naturally look — beside their favourite chair, or in the kitchen.
• Show today, not the whole month. Less information is easier to take in.
• Make it big and clear. Large writing, plain words, and the day and date shown clearly.
• Keep it up to date. An out-of-date note can cause more confusion than no note at all.
• Point to it gently. “Shall we have a look at today’s plan together?” helps build the habit of checking.

For a comparison of the most common options, see Wall calendar, smart display or day calendar?

Keep the shape of the day predictable

Routines can make a day feel more manageable. Meals, a short walk, a favourite programme or a regular phone call at roughly the same time each day all give your parent familiar landmarks. “After lunch” is often easier to picture than “at half past one”.

Mention changes at the right time

Hearing about an appointment a week ahead can mean a week of worrying about it. Hearing about it on the morning itself can feel rushed. For most one-off events, many families find the day before works well, with a gentle reminder on the day.

For regular events — a weekly lunch club, say — there’s usually no need to mention them in advance at all.

Look after yourself too

Answering the same question over and over can be tiring, and it’s completely normal to feel frustrated at times. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Where you can, share the load with other family members or friends, and take a break when you need one.

When to look for more support

If your parent’s questions or confusion increase suddenly — over hours or days, rather than months — speak to their GP or call NHS 111. A sudden change can have a treatable cause, such as an infection.

For wider advice and support:

• NHS — dementia guide
• Alzheimer’s Society
• Age UK

Questions or thoughts on this guide? Email phil@dailyview.org.